Pursuit Revisited
by Bensler
Summary: Pre-ep: Done.  Post-ep: Here is mine.  Even as amazing as 'the hug' was, I had to do something to add to the story.
1. Chapter 1

Only in my fanfics do these awesome characters belong to me. " ) Bensler

If this story is not up to par, it's because I am just releasing some stress. My husband has been in the hospital since last Friday, Feb 18. They finally removed his gallbladder yesterday in a 3 and 1/2 hour surgery. He will be in the hospital for another 5-7 days and out of work 4-6 weeks. Also have and aunt and uncle in the same hospital. So it's a reunion every day! And my oldest brother had his appendix out the day before I had to take my husband to the ER. He makes the third family member in 11 weeks that has had to have an appendectomy! My sister in Dec; my youngest son in Jan. My youngest brother and I are holding our breath! I think I am in a hospital reality show! " ) Bensler

**Pursuit Revisited**

**by Bensler**

Chapter 1

Gathering clothes from around the room, she looked over to the bed. Elliot, sprawled with one arm stretched across her pillow and the other lying across his bare chest, snored lightly. He would be fifty in a few weeks yet he was still in prime physical condition from all the working out he did. Sure he had filled out as he aged but it was pure muscle.

Kathy found him to be even more cut now than when he was younger. She was a little surprised that even though he was still handsome and fit, she no longer felt attracted to him. And she was sure it had everything to do the fact that they did not really have a relationship. She could not remember the last time they had talked about anything other than kids, bills or the house. Apart from those topics, it seemed they had nothing to talk about. And they never did anything together alone. She was tired of it all. She wanted someone to share her life not live it in a parallel universe.

Until he dragged in at 4:30 this morning, it had been five full days, and nearly five full nights since she had seen him. He had been in Quantico for the week at some FBI training she did not understand but came back – though not home - early because of an SVU case. She thought she should be glad he was home after all that time, but she wasn't.

To be perfectly honest she was irritated. He tried to be quiet but the squeaky pipes from the shower had awakened her. She lay there thinking that if he had a regular job with regular hours she would not be wide awake at two o'clock in the morning. Especially not after she had spent an exhausting day at work, then running after a three year old while keeping tabs on twins via cell phone calls and text messages.

If he had a normal job maybe they would have found the time to nurture their relationship apart from raising the kids. Maybe they would still love each other and be happy they were together instead of merely tolerating each other. Don't get her wrong, she still cared about him but she did not want to be with him anymore. Twenty-six years, the last six or so, starting from when she left him six years ago, had been the worst. When Eli came along they got back together but neither of them changed their expectation of the other and all the good intentions of making things work quickly fell by the wayside. Now they simply co-existed and tried not to get on the other's nerves too much.

And after what her friend Dorie had asked her yesterday, she knew she and Elliot were headed for another split. Dorie wanted to know how often Elliot had to work nights? When Kathy asked why, Dorie told her she saw him and his partner coming out of an apartment building at seven that morning and watched as they picked up bagels and coffee at corner vendor. She had been in the neighborhood to babysit for another friend. When Dorie told her where, she realized it was Olivia's street. She knew Elliot would have a plausible explanation – he always did when it came to Olivia. But she was just tired of the whole mess and was looking for an excuse to bail again. Besides, she could play this game, too.

Elliot stirred as she dropped the basket of clothes on the bed and reached for his suit jacket carelessly tossed at a chair but ending up on the floor last night – this morning – whenever it was he got in.

He stretched, fluffed his pillow and fell back on it. "Hey. Sorry about waking you up last night."

Kathy stared at him. "How'd you know I was awake?" Neither of them had spoken when he came in.

"The way you were breathing,"

"Oh," she said dismissively as she held up his jacket. "If you'd hang your jackets up you could wear them longer and save money on dry-cleaning. How many times have you heard me say this, Elliot?"

Too many, he thought, as the beginning of a headache started behind his eyes. Less than a full a minute in her presence and he was already steaming. "Well, seventy-two hours straight is a lot longer than you wear any of your clothes!"

He angrily ripped the covers from his body, grabbed his sweats and left the bedroom. Downstairs he slipped into his clothes, put on his running shoes sans socks, downed a half carton of orange juice and went for a run.

Upon returning home, Elliot found Eli just finishing his breakfast. "Hey, buddy."

"Daddy!"

He picked the young boy up and tossed him into the air. Eli screamed in delight while Kathy frowned and shook her head.

Elliot mouthed 'what' to her.

"He needs to get dressed or we're going to be late."

"Late? For what?" It was Saturday morning.

"I'm meeting a friend at the science museum. Special hands on event for kids."

"Who's the friend?"

Kathy eyed him stoically. "No one you know."

"Can you cancel it? I want to take Eli to the park."

"This has been planned for weeks. I'm not canceling, Elliot."

"Okay. Then I'll go with you guys." He really wanted to spend time with his youngest son.

"No," she said quickly. "I mean, you wouldn't enjoy it. It's just a group of parents and a bunch of kids."

Elliot's eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out why she really didn't want him to go to the museum.

"Well, I'm a parent and I've got a bunch kids, so what's the problem?"

"Elliot…"

The dull noise of his cell phone vibrating against the kitchen counter interrupted their conversation.

As he reached for the phone, Kathy rolled her eyes. "Besides, looks like your _real_ family is calling."

Elliot gave her a sharp look as she took Eli by the hand and led him to the staircase.

"Stabler."

"El?"

"What's wrong?"

All he could hear was her breathing.

"Liv, what is it?"

"I'm…sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you…"

"Olivia!"

"I'll talk…to you later."

"Talk to me _now_!" he hissed as quietly as he could.

There was no sound. He pulled the phone from his ear and saw she had disconnected the call.

Exasperated, he made a beeline for the bedroom to change clothes. Rounding the entrance of the great room, he nearly collided with Kathy standing at the bottom of the stairs. From the look in her eyes he knew she had heard the phone conversation.

"Like I said, your _real_ family was calling you."

"Kath…"

"The difference is, when _she_ calls you go to _her_."

Kathy went to help Eli get dressed while Elliot changed into jeans, a long sleeved tee shirt and a brown leather jacket. He followed Kathy and Eli to the van and buckled the little boy into the car seat and told him to have a good time. He and Kathy exchanged icy glares. As soon as she backed out, Elliot got in his SUV.

The third time he knocked on the door, she answered. "What are you doing here?" Olivia asked, obviously surprised to see him.

Elliot snorted, "You kiddin' me? You hang up like that and think I'm just gonna let it slide? Especially after the last couple of nights?"

Since she didn't offer to let him in, he pushed past her and closed the door behind them.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


	2. Chapter 2

**Pursuit Revisited**

**by Bensler**

Chapter 2

Leaning against the door, Elliot stared at Olivia as she looked past him to some unknown point. The last two nights, he had stayed at her place, with her. He certainly hadn't planned it. It just happened. As distressed as he and the rest of SVU was over the murder, Sonya's death had really done a number on his partner. He wasn't sure if it was because she had watched Sonya die in her arms, or because she had been a colleague Olivia worked closely with, or because Sonya, in some strange way, was the essence of Serena – Olivia's mother. It was most likely a combination of the three. Cragen had ordered her to talk to Huang before leaving but she somehow managed to avoid not only the doctor, and Cragen but Elliot as well_. _

Recalling his frustration at her absence and how he had gone looking for her when he realized she had left the precinct without telling him, he scrubbed his hands over his face and closed his eyes against the memory.

_The bar where he had found her was not unfamiliar. They had spent many an evening there after a tough case. Olivia was usually very careful about drinking too much – the alcoholic genes that ran through her never far from her thoughts. Still tonight she seemed to have had a few too many when he finally saw her with some slime ball chatting her up, touching her shoulder, her hand, pushing her hair from her face - far too intimate, for Elliot's liking. All the while she had laughed and smiled at the jerk and even touched him on his back, her hand over his. _

_He could forgive the excessive drinking but seeing her allow another man to not only touch her but reciprocate with her own, was almost more than he could bear. It drove him past the point of caring that he had no right to consider anyone Olivia might be with to be 'another man'; past the point of realizing that he was not _the_ man in her life. Elliot was steaming by the time he had pushed between the two of them, ushered Olivia from the bar and to her apartment. All without one word of protest from her or an attempt to stop him - that's when he knew she was truly in trouble, and at this understanding, his anger and irritation at her dissolved as quickly as it had formed._

_Instead of the harsh lecture he had already created in his mind over her irresponsible actions, he instead chose to say nothing about finding her in a bar, drinking her way to near oblivion with some stranger hanging all over her. Instead, neither of them said a word. They did not talk about the case or Sonya. Or anything. And it was fine. The silence between them was a balm of some sort – the knowledge that this other person just knew how the other felt without saying a thing. It was what they both needed. But especially Olivia. Somehow Elliot found a way to let the bar scene go and just be her partner and friend for the evening. After an hour or so of companionable silence he prodded her to get cleaned up and ready for bed._

_While she showered, he scrambled the two eggs in her fridge and toasted the last piece of stale bread. When she came out, he sat guard over her while she ate. She didn't even balk at eating. Maybe she knew it was useless or maybe she was so wiped out she needed someone to tell her what to do. When he told her she needed to get some rest, she said okay and went to lie down. He followed, tucked her in and told her to call if she needed anything._

_As he turned out the light, she called his name. "El?"_

_One hand on the doorknob, the other on the frame, he turned. "Yeah."_

"_Could you…I need…" She released a long sigh. "Would you mind staying? Just until I fall asleep?" she asked timidly as though she fully expected him to belittle her or laugh or say no._

_She thought he was leaving her for the night to return home to his family, when in fact he had no intention of leaving her alone in her current state of mind. He had planned to sleep on the couch but if she needed him closer, he was more than willing to oblige._

_Without a word, he pulled the small, linen covered chair under the window to her bedside. After he got situated, he was both shocked yet pleasantly surprised when she reached for his hand as though it were the most natural thing in the world. After exchanging quick, shy smiles, they fell asleep with their fingers entwined._

'_You'll be okay…you'll be okay. HELP! Oh, no. No! Help me! Don't die, don't die, don't die!'_

_Awakened by her tortured moaning and desperate cries, Elliot switched on the bed lamp and quickly moved to Olivia's side._

"_Liv," he called quietly as he gently shook her. "Liv, you're dreaming." He sat on the bed at her waist, leaning over her with both hands on her shoulders._

'_No! Hurry! I need help! Don't die, Sonya! Sonya!'_

"_Olivia, honey, wake up," he whispered to her, his hands moving to frame her face. "It's a bad dream…a bad dream." Nightmares were an unavoidable part of the job no one warned you about when you were a rookie. Or told you how to handle them when they occurred._

_Slowly, she awoke. Her brown eyes were huge with fright and confusion; her breathing ragged as she struggled to inhale and exhale. A sheen of perspiration covered her face; her dampened hair was plastered against her cheeks and forehead. Her blue tee shirt was darker around the collar from her sweat. At first she stared at Elliot as though she was not sure who he was or why he was there. _

_It didn't take her long to decide he was exactly who and what she needed. As she clung to him, she found the courage to survey her surroundings and looked around the room, her eyes flitting wildly from one corner to the other. Finally, she pulled away from Elliot and brought her hands up to her face to stare at them as she turned them over and over. _

"_My…my hands," she murmured, as her hands trembled and her whole body shook._

_Elliot frowned with concern as he watched her closely hoping to figure out what she was talking about. "What's wrong with your hands?" He tried to take them in his but she pulled them from his light grasp. Maybe he was wrong about her being awake. She did not seem to be in the here and now._

"_Blood…too much blood," she rasped as she began furiously wiping them on the sheet and comforter._

_Now he understood and knew she was still in the nightmare. "Olivia, the blood is gone," Elliot explained as he tried to calm her frantic motions. He had not been there when she tried to staunch the flow of blood from Sonya's wound, but Fin had told him about it and how bad it was for her. And he had seen her bloodied hands, the nails and cuticles caked with the coppery reddish substance when she walked toward him that fateful night._

_Jerking from his grasp, she pushed him away and ran to the bathroom where she turned on the hot water, filled her palms with liquid soap and began to scrub at her hands. Elliot followed her. The blue and purple striped bottoms she wore were much too long and bunched on the floor nearly hiding her bare feet. Strands of hair fell from the barrette that held most the dark brown and honey colored locks on top of her head. Unsure what to do, he simply watched her. When the soap rinsed off, she pumped more into her palm and repeated the ritual._

_The third time she did this, a knot formed in Elliot's stomach as he realized the extent of damage done to Olivia's psyche. For once he wished she had talked to Huang; wished he had dragged her to see the doc, and he hated to be shrinked by a psychiatrist even worse than she did. Steam billowed from the sink as water splashed onto the counter and floor. The light scent of lavender from the soap filled the air, reached Elliot and prompted him into action. _

_Carefully approaching her, he slowly wrapped his arms around her and began to help her wash her hands. For the shortest second she stilled then began scrubbing again. Elliot softly spoke reassuring words to her as his hands slid over hers._

"_There…see…it's gone, Liv. The soap and water washed it all away." He wondered how she could stand the water so hot as his hands stung from the excessive heat._

"_The…the blood?" She stopped washing, her gaze locked on Elliot's hands as they rubbed hers, his large soapy fingers sliding through and around hers and over her hands reddened from the heat of the water and her vicious scrubbing. She marveled that his touch was firm yet so gentle._

"_Yes, the blood. It's gone," he whispered, his hands caressing and massaging hers. "Your hands are clean."_

"_It's gone?" she asked, her voice begging for reassurance._

_Reassurance, he understood that he alone could give her. "Yes. It's gone, Liv. It's all gone."_

_He could see her reflection in the mirror as she closed her eyes and relaxed against him. Reaching for the hand towel, he looked up to see her eyes as they opened and her gaze connected with his in the mirror. It hit him like a sledge hammer – she trusted him. Completely. She completely trusted him in every way. To be there. To help her. To save her. Though he had let her down so many times in the past, she still trusted him. This time he would not let her down._

_Tenderly folding and patting the towel against her skin, he dried her hands, and reached for the bottle of lotion on by the sink. He pumped a generous portion into his palm, warmed it between his hands for a few seconds before covering hers with it, careful to work it in to soothe the now chaffed and raw skin. As he finished, he fought the urge to put kisses in her palms like he did his kids,__ and embrace her and hold her like he had two days ago. However, he did place a kiss on the top of her head before he guided her back to the bed._

_It only took a few minutes before he heard Olivia's even breathing and knew she was asleep. Looking down at their entwined fingers he was consumed with contentment and peace – something he had not felt in a very long while. Soon his eyes closed. This time they both slept through the night._

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


	3. Chapter 3

**Pursuit Revisited**

**by Bensler**

**Chapter 3**

_Elliot had been in Quantico, Virginia, most of the week, but returned early because of the case SVU had gotten. And more so because he was worried about Olivia being abducted by their perp. Fin was a good cop, but Elliot didn't trust anyone to look after Olivia as well as he would. When he got back to New York City, instead of going home to his wife and family, he headed to the precinct. He had just left JFK when Olivia called him crying so hard it took nearly five stressed filled minutes to make sense of what she had been trying to tell him. Changing his course he met her at the scene of the murder. Never had he been so relieved and glad to see her as he was that day. _

_That night Olivia left work without saying goodbye. He had found her at that run-down bar and taken her home. And stayed with her. She'd had too much to drink and he didn't want to leave her alone. Then the nightmares came. Last night, the second after Sonya's death, they had quit work around ten and he had given her ride home then offered to stay again if she wanted. She didn't answer, but instead as she got out of the car she stared at him until he got her silent message. This time she asked him to stay on the couch, nearby, but said she needed to deal with this alone since he couldn't stay there forever. _

_Why? The errant thought ran through his head before he was aware it had formed and just as quickly the guilt hit him, and he headed for the couch. It was around eleven when they said goodnight and he watched as the bedroom door was pushed to but not closed. About midnight she had another nightmare. Blood curdling screams had pierced the stillness of the apartment and Elliot nearly killed himself getting to her. She was on her knees in the middle of the bed going through the motions of CPR on one of the pillows. She was crying and screaming, 'Get a bus! She needs help! Sonya! Sonya! You can't die! Not like this! Not like this!'_

_It took longer to quiet her down this time. And when he finally made her understand it was all a horrible, frightening dream, Olivia had broken. She began sobbing and he held her until the sobs turned to soft hiccups. He had gotten a cold, wet washcloth and gently wiped her face. He fixed her some tea and then they had made up for the lack of conversation the previous night and talked for nearly four hours – about everything and nothing - until Olivia insisted she was fine and was sure she would be able to sleep without dreaming because she was so exhausted. She told him he should go home. Last night – or rather, this morning, it was a little after four when he reluctantly caught a cab to Queens._

Now, here he was once again standing in her apartment, worrying more about her state of mind than the state of his marriage. He waited for her to say something.

Unable to hold his gaze, she looked down at the floor and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm fine, El. I shouldn't have…bothered you at home."

Her appearance gave her away. It told him she was anything but fine. The dark circles under eyes dulled from exhaustion, worry and fear; the disheveled hair; her lack of make-up; and she was still in the same clothes she had on yesterday.

"You didn't bother me…and you're not fine," he told her as he took her by her shoulders to make her look at him.

"You had another nightmare," he stated. He knew that was it.

She glanced up at him then pulled away turning her back to him. The lingering fear in her eyes told him he was right even before she nodded, put her hands to her face and he saw her shoulders begin to shake. Olivia Benson did not cry. Not like this. And this was the second time in as many days that he had seen her tears. It made him feel so helpless, so scared.

"Aw, Liv," he said gently as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head against hers.

This time she didn't give into the tears. This time she let herself feel him against her as she reveled in the warmth from his embrace; the scent of left over cologne; the roughness of his cheek against hers. She let his strength flow into her; let him comfort and protect her, if only for a few minutes. This was what she needed to move past this tragedy. _He_ was what she needed. His friendship. His concern. Him. Just Elliot.

"Did you get _any_ sleep?"

He felt her shake her head against him. "Not much."

Not much most likely meant none. "You can't keep going like this."

"I know," she said as she settled closer to him.

"You want to try to get some sleep now? I'll stay with you," Elliot offered. He would do anything for her, to help her, to make her better.

"No. I just…I just need…this," she told him as she tightened her hands against his arms that were interlocked around her front.

Elliot felt a barrage of emotions well up within him. Emotions he could not name and ones he refused to name. All he really knew at that point was he would stand here and hold Olivia Benson as long as she needed or wanted him to and at that moment there was nothing more important to him.

As she relaxed, she realized how very much he meant to her as well as how much she must mean to him. He was willing to be there for her no matter what; to do whatever it took to bring her back to center. She smiled as she realized he had always done this for her. Elliot always took on his own pursuit for the monsters in her life whose sole purpose was to consume her. And he was usually just a step ahead of them destroying her completely. With his support and encouragement and him fighting her battles until she was strong enough to do it on her own, she could do whatever was necessary to find level ground again.

Taking a deep breath, she began, "El?"

"Hmmm?"

"I need…" she choked on the words. Even though she had done this before, s still wasn't sure she could admit it to herself again let alone Elliot.

"Tell me what you need, Liv. I'll do it. I'll get it. Anything. Just tell me how I can help you." He pulled her closer and rocked her softly. "Please."

His tenderness and concern caused more tears to spring to her eyes. She knew she had to tell him. No matter what he thought of her, she had to tell him. Though she realized it was crucial to her emotional and mental healing, a part of her still felt counseling was for the weak. Well, so what, she thought? Right now she _was_ weak. She had just watched a colleague die.

She took a deep, shuddering breath and told him, "I need…to talk to Huang."

She felt Elliot nod. "Okay, okay. Want me to call him now?"

By the evenness and modulation of his voice, she knew he was surprised at her admission, but would never let on he was for fear of her backing out.

All she could manage was another nod.

"You know I'll go with you, right?" he asked. "That is, if you want me to."

Thank God, Elliot _did_ know what she wanted; what she needed. She didn't think her already wounded pride would have let her ask such a thing of him. He had already done so much.

Nodding once again, she closed her eyes to his tightened embrace before he released her and pulled out his cell phone. He smiled at her then searched for Huang's number.

"El? You don't think…if I talk to a shrink…do you…would you still want to be my partner?"

"What?" he asked with a frown, incredulous that she asked something like that.

"You wouldn't think I couldn't do my job, would you?"

The look of distress on her face upset him almost as much as her even thinking that could make a difference in how he felt about her. Elliot couldn't help but think about the times he had gone to talk to Rebecca Hendrix, the cop turned shrink. And he couldn't help but beat himself up for never sharing that with Olivia.

"No. No way."

"You're not just saying that, are you?" Afraid of what she might see in his eyes, she stared at the floor unable to look at him. "You don't think it makes me weak?"

He closed the phone, took her by the arms and forced her to face him. "Olivia. Look at me. Come on, Liv."

Slowly she brought her gaze to his, but quickly looked away again.

"Liv…" he admonished, with a slight shake of her body as he bent his head to make eye contact.

When she looked up again, his gaze was penetrating and she wanted to look away but couldn't.

"I think…" he started, but stopped to swallow and take a deep breath. "I think that sometimes things happen we can't get past by ourselves. Can't deal with alone. And I think that…by admitting that sometimes we can't fix things and we need help…it doesn't make us weak. It, well, it means we are a lot _stronger_ than we realize."

Her teeth scraped repeatedly over her bottom lip and she blinked back hot tears. He said 'we', not 'you'. We. Like he was in this with her. Oh, how she wanted to believe him. How she _needed_ to believe what he said.

"I'd never want anyone else to be my partner. You gotta know that by now, Liv." Pulling her into a tight hug, he whispered into her hair, "You just _gotta_ know that."

Again, she let him hold her as she clung to him, letting his presence calm her; allowing his strength to build hers up. At last he stepped back from her and opened his cell phone then scrolled through his contacts again.

"I'm sorry, El. It's just that…I mean….thank you…for…" She tried to express what she felt but was failing miserably.

Holding his cell phone to his ear, Elliot put his finger to his lips first then hers. "No apologies, no thanks… we're partners, remember – for better or worse."

Elliot's twinkling blue eyes and soft smile blurred as Olivia's eyes overflowed with tears. This was by far the worst thing she had ever experienced in her career but with Elliot beside her she _would_ get better. And they would do it together. As partners. And as friends.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


	4. Chapter 4

**Pursuit Revisited**

**by Bensler**

**Chapter 4**

Olivia's bouncing knee was driving Elliot crazy. She had always had this quirky habit and most of the time he found it endearing. However, today he was nervous and on edge as they waited to see Dr. George Huang at his office downtown at Federal Plaza.

"Liv, calm down," Elliot said as he placed his hand just above her knee and held her leg still.

Her gaze, cast downward, shifted his way, but she did not look up at him. And she didn't say anything, only nodded. She knew her fidgeting got on his nerves at times but he had to understand this situation was different. A panic attack right now would not surprise her in the least. She had told Elliot she wanted him to come with her to see Huang. And not just to sit in the outer office. She had decided she wanted him to hear everything.

Maybe this way he could understand her better and perhaps help her understand those things about herself she simply could not grasp. Or didn't want to grasp. Maybe if all her secrets were finally put on the table, Elliot would see just how damaged she was and understand why she was the person she was. Maybe then they could get back their old friendship. Things had been better the last year or so, but there still seemed to be a distance of some sort between them and she never had been able to quite put her finger on it.

Now as they waited, she began to second guess her decisions. To talk to Huang. To tell Elliot she needed to talk to someone. To let him sit in on the sessions. Maybe she should _not_ let him hear everything. If he truly knew how damaged she was, he would be the one to run instead of her. He had been there for her over the years because he was her partner. Her friend. But then she began to think of all the traumatic things she had endured and realized Elliot had not been there for some of the worst times in her life. It had been Fin at the worst of those times with the exception of Lake when Lauren Cooper blew her brains out. Elliot never said a word to her about the bomb intended for her, or made much more than a passing comment when she got cut by the man who broke into her apartment. Fin had been the one to make her get checked out by the medics after she was poisoned and he was the one who rescued her from Harris and was by her side when Sonya died.

But most of the time it wasn't Elliot's fault…like with Sonja. He was in training at the FBI headquarters. That was out of his hands. And hadn't he been worried she could become the perp's target and come home early because of her? She had been so glad to see him she nearly lost it. He told her he should have come sooner. He had wanted to be there for her. It just didn't turn out that way. Sonya had been the straw on the camel's back. But he had been there since. In fact, he'd barely left Olivia's side the last two days.

A sickening thought came to her. Sealview. She had never told Elliot what happened in that prison. Never told him just how close Lowell Harris had come to making _her_ a special victim. Fin would never have told him either, not without clearing it with her first. Of that she was certain. But Elliot was a detective and he had to have pieced most of it together. Yet, he never again tried to get her to talk about it after that night he asked what had happened in the basement. And she was not sure that was a good thing or a bad thing. Sealview would most certainly come up in the sessions with Huang. Her brain was fried thinking about all these things.

"Olivia?"

Pulled from her semi-trance, she looked up at Elliot. "Huang's calling you."

She saw George smiling at her. He motioned for to come and she and Elliot entered his office. He looked at them a bit puzzled.

"I…I want Elliot to…to be here," she explained as she glanced at her partner and then back to the doctor.

George nodded, still curious. "That's fine. Please take a seat." He pointed to several chairs positioned around a coffee table filled with books and magazines.

"No couch?" Elliot joked, trying to lighten things up a bit.

"No." George smiled.

"I thought you'd have one here, too," Olivia said nervously.

An hour and half later, Olivia and Elliot were on the sidewalk of the Federal building. This first session with Huang was mostly about Sonya's murder and how it affected Olivia differently than seeing someone she didn't know die violently. It was horrific no matter what, but when it was someone you knew, worked with, had a relationship with, that horror reached an entirely differently level.

Olivia had agreed to see Huang again on Monday. He had suggested three times a week but she was reluctant. After Elliot put in his two cents she finally settled on twice a week with the promise to call if she needed to see him before her next appointment.

As they stood there looking around, Olivia began to feel uncomfortable. The guilt of pulling Elliot away from his family on his first day off in nearly two weeks was not helping matters.

"Feel like eating something?" he asked as he squinted in the afternoon sun.

"Not really," she said as she looked at her watch. "You should go spend some time with your family."

Elliot snorted. "Well, the older kids don't have time for dear old Dad and Kathy took Eli to some kids' thing at the science museum."

Guilt washed over her. "Oh, El, I'm sorry. You would have been with them…I shouldn't have called you…I…"

With a wave of his hand he dismissed her concerns. "It's okay. She didn't want me to go anyway."

Olivia looked at him with bewilderment.

"Said it was just a bunch of kids and parents and that I wouldn't like it." The muscle in his jaw flexed and his eyes narrowed.

She didn't know what to say. She knew he was upset. As long as Elliot was with Eli, they both would have had a good time. She could not understand why Kathy would discourage Elliot from spending time with the boy. He may not have been the husband he should have been but when it came to his kids, Elliot tried his best to be a good father.

"The museum's not that far…" she suggested.

"Nah…they're probably back home by now. Come on. I'm starving and you need to eat whether you're hungry or not." Elliot took her arm and pulled her along with him.

"So, how many more times you gonna rearrange the food on your plate?" Elliot mumbled around a mouthful of roast beef and potatoes.

Olivia looked up from the broccoli and cheese. "I ate my salad. And I told you I wasn't hungry."

Shaking his head, Elliot reached across the table, cut a piece of chicken, speared it with his fork and held it out to her. "One bite, okay."

"Elliot! It's nearly half the chicken!"

"Okay, two bites." He grinned and she took the fork from him.

Four bites later she handed him his fork. "Satisfied?"

Elliot down the last of his soda and smiled. "Enough."

"I need to use the restroom. Be right back," Olivia said as she stood.

"Okay."

Elliot watched Olivia leave then looked around the small café packed with a few families with kids, several couples, groups of women and/or men; and several lone customers. A child's laughter caught his attention but when he turned toward it questions filled his head. He couldn't see the child but he didn't need to because he saw the woman. And he knew exactly who it was even though her back was to him. He had seen her back from every angle, her hair in countless styles though mostly long and straight for over twenty-five years.

Kathy.

But he had no idea who the man was who was leaning close to her as he spoke. Laughing at what he said, she leaned toward him and whispered something in his ear. The man roared with laughter and then the little boy, imitating him, did the same. Eli.

A punch to the stomach couldn't have been any worse. Elliot felt sick. He wanted to go over there and demand to know what was going on, but he did not want Olivia to know and certainly did not want her involved in the confrontation that would ensue. He had to get out of there. Motioning for the waitress, he asked would forty bucks cover the bill. She looked at him oddly but nodded.

"The woman that was with me…tell her I'll meet her outside, please." And with that Elliot made his way out, making certain neither Kathy nor Eli saw him.

He leaned against the building where he could see into the café and continued to watch Kathy. This man was not just a friend. Of that Elliot was positive. He prayed Olivia would hurry up. As another thought struck fear in his heart, he prayed she and Kathy did not see each other. He was so caught up in his worry and surveillance he did not even see Olivia come out.

"It's not nice to leave your partner behind, you know?" Olivia said as she playfully bumped his shoulder.

"Let's get out of here." He grabbed her; pushed her ahead of him then had to catch her when she lost her balance. "Sorry," he told her.

"Elliot! What's going on?" She frowned at him but her voice was full of concern.

"Nothing. Nothing. I just…I don't feel well."

"Okay…is there anything I can do?"

"No." He stopped and just stared at her.

Every emotion she could think of seemed to fill his face. "El? What is it?"

His hands ran over his head and his lips pursed as he blew out a deep breath. "Can you…can you get home by yourself?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Something was bad wrong. And he was not going to share it. "Sure."

He nodded and headed toward the street. Olivia caught his arm. "Elliot, are you okay?" she asked softly.

Covering her hand with his for just a moment, he slowly shook his head then pulled away and crossed the street in a slight jog.

Olivia followed him with her eyes until he was swallowed by the crowds. He said he was _not_ okay. Elliot Stabler was not one to easily make such an admission. And now she was officially worried.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


End file.
